the Good, the Bad and the Ugly!

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. ~William James


I couldn't have agreed more with this thought, than now. Twenty days of procrastination and wrestling with gravity from hundreds of feet above the tiny dots and blocks, could also not make it happen. It happened when boredom got the better of procrastination and jostled the writer out of my New Zealand hangover. So here is the outcome. A mix of fun and pun for you!


Moments of shocks, seconds of sadness, minutes of laughter, hours of smiles and days of emotions! Human being is a unique specie who is known for its expressions of emotions. It is quite amusing how our brain identifies certain things with certain images and tunes our emotions towards them accordingly. And, if the human being in front of us is a politician then he/she is bound to evoke one or the other form of emotion within us…!


Love them or hate them, but you can’t ignore them. Indian politicians have an indelible impact on the minds of millions of their countrymen. These politicians are often known for their unique traits and idiosyncrasies, many of which have been spoken and written about in media, time and again. But ever wondered what will happen if these politicians had to endorse different brands and products for our aam junta ? Who knows, apart from experiencing the usual fits of laughter maybe the Indian film industry could also get lucky and get its new onscreen sensation ……


Well, well, well! Let’s take a quick look at who would fit into what brand, if the politics and advertising alliance were ever to happen.


1. Peter England – The Honest shirt!
He is suave and perceptive and the most non-political prime minister of India till date. The current PM of India and the architect of the modern Indian economic framework, Manmohan Singh is quite known for his Squeaky Clean image and Honesty even in these days. He would totally justify the punch line of Peter England – The Honest Shirt! Like PE shirts, Manmohan Singh has also made truth fashionable, albeit in Indian politics.


2. MTV - Some People Just Don't Get It
Better known for his humor and looks, Laloo Prasad Yadav stands unbeaten as the brand ambassador for MTV channel. His wacky statements and bold approaches have often left Indian public in splits. Everything about him is hatke. Laloo displays the flavor of MTV in the best of his forms. He changed the fate of Indian railways and made it profitable like how he turned his public image from mercenary corrupt politician to a funny man of Indian politics. If it is loud and grungy evocation of aggressive spirit, it is MTV or it is Laloo Prasad Yadav. Both think they are cool. Both think they are the voice of India. (Both don't get it!). While all that both manage to do is rant about themselves, day in and day out! So, Lalooji, you rightfully deserve to endorse the MTV brand for our aam junta.


3. J K Tyre – Total Control
This politician is the best example of tenacity and breaking efficiency on the highly rugged roads of Indian politics. Soniya Gandhi - Italy born Indian politician, who has managed to not only survive but also rule the rooster of the present Indian politics. Like J K tyres, she exercises Total Control over the Congress party and the UPA government. Can you find a better brand ambassador than her?


4. Tata Tea – Jago Re!
This is one politician who bags Tata tea advertisement assignment unrivalled. His love for sleep has transcended the decorum of the coveted seats of Indian political arena. He has churned out more news due to his undying passion for sleep than his work as a politician. He made lethargy and foul language synonymous with the Indian politics. Need I say more? No prizes for guessing this septuagenarian’s name - HD Deve Gowda. Very conveniently he blames stress as the reason for hurling abuses and frequent dozing off in public. Tata Tea would not be able to find a better harbinger than Deve Gowda, albeit as an ideal target audience for this ad due to his acts - a la Kumbhkarn! He needs awakening from his apathy towards people who have elected him. So, Mr Gowda, please have a cuppa of Tata Tea every morning and do what you have been elected for doing – transform lives!


5. Nokia - Connecting People,  Pepsi - Yeh hai Youngistan Meri Jaan
Versatile, dynamic, a people's person, rejuvenator of Indian politics and an apostle of strong India, young India. He has pumped hope in the hearts of millions of Indians and bound them under a belief of "Young India is the progressing India". Rahul Gandhi is the name, which instantly crops up in the mind when one hears words like integrating with people and young India. He comfortably dons the hat of a common man to share his sorrows and instill in him optimism for the future. His charming words have motivated the youth, pan India. He has managed to establish himself as the next generations political hope of our country. Truly wearing his attitude on his sleeves, Rahul Gandhi reflects the spirits of Nokia and Pepsi. Do we have any other politician to match his enigmatic charisma? Do I hear none?


6. Surf Excel - Daag Achche Hote Hai!
If Paradox is her first name, uncouth is her middle name. She placed herself as a paladin of the lower caste and down trodden people in the Indian politics. But no sooner than later, she amassed wealth worth million of rupees. She is one amongst the highest IT paying politicians of our country. She belongs to a breed of "Been there, done that" politicians. You think of a scam in the decade gone by and bam she is associated with it. Mayawati, the Behenji of Indian Politics is a recurrent participant of numerous flimflams and seldom practitioner of serving nation. She imbibes the slogan of surf excel to the core - Daag Achche Hote Hai - No wonder she is valiantly marching towards eating away people's money and blissfully enjoying her daag each time. It’s amazing to see how shamelessly she denies the allegations leveled against her every single time. Mayawati is definitely the best choice of sample for Surf Excel to showcase its cleansing might. Go Surf Excel, Go!


7. Horlicks – Taller, Stronger, Sharper
There are a few names, which I am able to associate with the Horlicks drink, but one-name blocks my vision entirely (and literally too!). When it comes to growth (of any kind), this single person beats one and all. Be it physically, materialistically or in the power game, this politician has grown astronomically taller, stronger and sharper. Enjoying the adulations of both the film world and politics, she has ascertained her position as a dominating power monger politician who cannot be ignored. Jayalalithaa Jayaram or simply Amma – the actor politico of Tamil Nadu. From being a paramour of MGR she has grown to become the goddess of Tamil Nadu. Her haughty demeanor and arrogant attitude have only multiplied with time. Metamorphosing from a slim, glamorous actress into portly body and an elephantine stature, she comes out as the perfect choice for promoting the Taller, Stronger and Sharper qualities of Horlicks.


Good, bad or ugly, brands and politicians are mushrooming with equal zest in our country. I wonder what we are witnessing now is bad or ugly? The chances of it being good is bleak and scary too. Nevertheless I am confident that this saga will keep evolving with time and provide platform for some more ludicrous moments of political whimsy to the aam junta.Till then let's enjoy this tale with our good, bad and ugly politicians.


Oh, btw, Happy New Year to all :)

26/11 - Just another Chapter?

Picture this –Two things… One is amongst country’s favourite monuments…. another is a group of brave uniformed men, amongst country’s esteemed soldiers.

You might wonder “So, what about them?”. Well, read on to understand their relationship.

What would you think of people, who drive nails into our national monument… hang their clothes on it, enjoy their supper sitting in the monument and stretch themselves while snoring away to glory under the most coveted landmark of aamchi Mumbai ??? Callous…. Annihilator… Anti-social….

Today, it is exactly one year after the fateful day of 26/11 last year, when the tragic attack on the Taj Mahal Hotel in Mumbai took place…an attack which shook the spirit of the country and it’s defense mechanism and left many lives broken and shattered forever.

Indian police officers and jawans who are posted to protect the Taj Mahal hotel, a gracious landmark of the city of Mumbai, are offered no home, no shelter and no support to motivate them to risk their lives for the safety of the hotel and millions of thankless citizen of their own country. A monument, which has been the crown of the commercial capital of India for decades, is now serving as the home for these brave but homeless police officers – The Gateway of India. Now would you still call them Callous and Annihilator? Think again!

Our heart moves with wrenching pain when we see pictures of the carnage, which was driven, by Ajmal Kasab and his accomplices. But why are we not moved by the plights of those who are ensuring that history does not gets re-lived by their city, our city?

Nails driven in walls to hang clothes (Counrtesy: IBNLive)

No resting place for these cops (Courtesy: IBNLive)

Lunch Time (Courtesy: IBNLive)

Of course we are doing our part by tagging them as heroes, thanking them verbally, but what next? Is that sufficient to assuage the everyday discomfort, which is lived by these brave men of India? These are just few of the questions, which would haunt the humanity of this nation. Like it is said about our nation, India needs an attack, a blast to wake up… and it looks like we have become so heavily dependent on these attacks and blasts that we need few doses of violence and bloodshed each time to realize our own responsibilities!

Just yesterday, the television channels and newspapers in India were replete with the news headlines like “26/11 anniversary….”, “Pay your tribute to the martyrs…”, “Saluting Mumbai…” and what not. We have always lived in the glory of the past and the agonies gone by. Little do we think about those who live in present. A tribute to those, who laid their lives on that tragic day, is a way to show our homage and solidarity as a nation. However their souls would be happy only when they see that the cause, for which they died, is taken care of.

Nothing in our country stays untouched by politics and bureaucracy. While one lot of politicians is busy in mud slinging over the compensation payments to the martyrs of 26/11, the other lot has turned a deaf ear towards the needs of those who are alive and surviving in the lap of Gateway of India. What a shame!

Maybe, we need another blast to wake our government from its Rip Van Winkle slumber!

I hope it’s not too late by then…

Wake Up.....!

And yet another blow to the pride of our secular nation! …. while previous wounds have still not healed, the nation is bleeding and weeping, afresh. However, this time the pain is not over the wounds of the past, but over the hot-off-the fire debasement which has lacerated the soul of the nation yet again. This outrage came in wake of a recent statement made by Master blaster Sachin Tendulkar, "Mumbai belongs to India. That is how I look at it. And I am a Maharashtrian and I am extremely proud of that but I am an Indian first". Mr. Thackeray saw this as an attempt to attenuate the image of Marathi “manoos”, which he had created some years ago to bulk up his vote bank. It sure has worked well for him, but in the bargain has created a rift between people of the same nation! A rift, created to satiate the false ego of a power hunger political sycophant.

Amitabh Bachchan to Sachin Tendulkar, all have borne the tongue-lashings of this man, who is a self-proclaimed protagonist of the interests of the Marathi “manoos”. Little does he realize that his whims and fancies are not only costing lives of hundreds of people but also creating bitterness amongst the various sections of people of this country.

Who on earth would interpret, that praises for India first and Maharashtra second would demean Maharashtra’s stature in the country? Only Bal Thackeray has such acumen and its quite unfortunate that he shares his acumen with the rest of the country garbed in his venomous speeches!

People of such mental make-up take undue liberty of being in a democratic country. Freedom of speech gets mocked at royally! With ageing body, Mr. Thackeray (Bal and Raj, both) seems to have forgotten that Maharashtra is a part of India and Indian citizens do not require a passport or a visa to live and work there. Contrary to the general sentiments of the Indians, the duo of Thackerays think that expression of love is ruining our culture; they believe that loyalty towards Maharashtra comes before loyalty towards India. Hold on! This isn’t it. They also firmly believe that every person in Maharashtra should carry out his/her business in Marathi language. Good Lord! Then why am I able to see his very own site (http://www.shivsena.org) displaying the usage of English language? May be, this is what is defined as “Hypocrisy” in the dictionaries.

It’s high time when such people put their head on shoulders and refrain from creating divide of any kind in India. Our country has had enough of hair-brained political games played on the behest of religion and caste. If we, the common man of India, do not rise and wake up to this call, then we would have no one to blame for the innumerable sufferings in the future. Of course media has to work hand-in-glove with the common man, by not giving extra mileage to inflammatory opinions of such people.

The time has come and the time is now! Either we shut our ears towards the strategic “divide and rule” sermons of such power hungry goondas (calling them politicians would be a misnomer) or we gear ourselves for ripping our country into 28 smaller pieces. The choice is ours.

..And the award goes to...

"Nationality is simply an accident of birth"

Before you even start to debate with me, let me inform you that these are not my words, for certain. These are the words of current Nobel Laureate in Chemistry, Dr. Venkatraman Ramakrishnan.True doc! (Courtesy: IBNLive)

A child who is yet to be born has, in no way, the privilege of choosing his/her country of birth, just like he/she cannot choose his/her parents. But does that demean the relationship between the child and the parent? I can blindly vouch for the answer to be a big NO.

Innumerable (undesirable) phone calls, plethora of (impeding) e-mails, plenty of time (whiled away)! So much for a humble achievement of winning a Nobel Prize, not fair..right ?

We can categorically understand the predicament that you have been subjected to face Dr. Venkatraman, in terms of jammed mailboxes and hours of time being frittered away in clearing that jam. After all it was your hard work for twenty years, which has now been felicitated by the Nobel Prize. Time is money as they say.

The whole nation boogied together reveling in news of YOU winning a Nobel Prize, floating around all day. On the face of it, for this country's layman, you are an Indian; still! How silly of them to not have known that now you are a citizen of some other country and your relationship with India is merely by virtue of birth. After all you couldn't have controlled your country of birth. Right doc ?

The impulsive urge in the Indians to contact you, to wish you over this magnanimous accomplishment and to express their delight over it was definitely not a practical gesture. Ironically, not more than a handful of them would even be aware of the significance of your work. After all, what benefit could they reap in wishing someone who is geographically millions of miles separated from them and shares nothing but his country of birth with them (which incidentally is not a matter of choice but a matter of sheer accident) ? I am still trying to find an answer for it. Maybe, you could help me solving this maze, doc. The fact that the people of India are genuinly happy over your achievement and expect nothing, but to share it with you, is of little consequence, I guess.

Silly, emotional, Indians!

But, these emotions are costing you time doctor, and you certainly cannot afford to do with it. It was time and science that have aided you in this journey so what possible additional abet these emotions could be to you? Did you say None, doc?!?!? While you are right in pointing out that your achievement has nothing to do with nationalities, the coldness in your interview replies towards India might not go down well with the people of India.

We are as much proud of you doctor, as much we are of Dr. APJ Kalam or Sachin Tendulkar, or Rabindranath Tagore. Trust me when I say that we know that their success not was anything because of their countrymen's gestures but due to their individual perseverance.

Our tribute is not to share a space in your success, but to render the support of millions, who recognize you as one among them!

Though we as a nation are yet to learn “how much is too much” funda, but our enthusiasm should not be construed as encumbrance by you sir. Alternatively, a polite reply by you to such adulations would have served the purpose and helped in toning down the unquantifiable phone calls and e-mails. Maybe there is something for both of us to learn from this incident. As is known, it’s never too late to learn…both, you and we as a country could learn to appreciate small but cardinal things in life.

Nevertheless, you still deserve a big Congratulation, Dr. Venkatraman Ramakrishnan. Hope your endeavors transcend the boundaries of nations and benefit the entire human race.

Oh, by the way, wish a very Happy Diwali to you doctor and to all my wonderful wonderful people of this country. Dress up well, eat good and remember to keep your environment clean.. Do not light crackers :)

Knee Slapper : Glad that it wasn't a Nobel PEACE Prize...else there would have been thunderbolts over the PEACE prize...what say doc ;)

Sex & "The" Cricket!

Yes, you’ve read it correctly. This is not a typo.
Hats off to you Mr. Kirsten! You’ve just made playing cricket more interesting for our players.

Mr. Kirsten seems to be agreeing to this message on the t-shirt in toto.....infact he believes that sex and cricket share a parity and complement each other. Wondering why?

By the way, for those of you, who are wondering about who this Mr. Kristen is and how is he related to cricket, Good news….Good news - He is the present head coach of our Indian cricket team.

With India’s recent success in the Compaq Cup 2009 series, there were few action points for our men in blue to work upon. Of course, most of these were suggested by our coach! But what caught the fancy of the entire nation was this particular suggestion of Kirsten to players.

Have good sex for enhanced performance on the cricket fields.....!!!!!!

While this comment has created frenzy across the length and breadth of the country for its titillating nature, it comes at a time when our team is working towards cementing its number one position in the ICC ODI ranking, having already secured it.

What amuses me is the way this suggestion has been made a part of the action points for the team. It’s been prescribed like a medicine dose that each member is supposed to have regularly, especially if the team has a match to play the next day.

Amongst those who have given a thumbs-up to this comment are few sexologists, who support the positive impact of a good sex life on other activities, taken up in the day; the non-supporters believe that this comment would weaken the moral fibre of the country by encouraging sex as a means to stay fit!

As, Kirsten argues......
Firstly, good sex boosts the morale of the individual and thereby would lead to good performance on the field, as it would raise the confidence and increase the efficiency level.

(Mr. Kirsten, if this is true, then ever wondered what a bad sex performance would do to a player right before the match, or are you planning to take guarantee for good sex performance as well? )

Secondly, good sex would keep the players fit and increases the strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness amongst them.

(Mr. Kirsten, going by this, I am sure our Bhajji paji and Srishanth would have floored many pretty lasses. After all, no Indian player can match the aggression shown by these two controversy kings.)

Well leaving this analysis behind, what’s even more thought provoking is the fact that in a country where cricket creates mass hysteria and is followed like a religion, will such a statement not corrupt the minds of millions of young cricket fans who emulate our men in blue to an immeasurable extent? Mr. Kirsten might have been right in his intentions of suggesting a good sex life for the players, but the indirect impact could cause damage to the growing talent pool, which instead of focusing on the game might deviate to a path detrimental for the game. Time to do some serious thinking Mr. Kirsten!

As they say, bedroom secrets should be shared in a bedroom itself, and not made a part of the official dossier.

By now if you think that our head coach has leniently given an official nod to our team to indulge themselves in pleasure, you are wrong! Did I not tell you that Mr. Kirsten has said a strict no no to late night sex? Guess our players would have to be very vigilant while following a good sex mantra lest our coach comes and says time out….hee hee hee….

Make or Break – While our country debates on the sacrosanctity of this comment, I am sure some journalists would be prying to figure out whether team India has already started to follow this active advice of their coach or not.

In the meanwhile I would savour a cup of hot ginger tea to celebrate the pleasantly cold weather of Melbourne city amidst the hot news of our country!

Go Green...Xixi no Banho!

It might sound inscrutable, however this isn't some kind of a new language that I am struggling to learn and neither is it any kind of an alien environmental code. Weird as it sounds, this is what one of the environmental organisation SOS Mata Atlantica has to say "Xixi no Banho"...which means Pee in the shower!

Brazilians are synonymous with "hot" people worldwide....but next time when you meet them remember these are the people who are being encouraged to pee in their showers....for a very noble act (of which we indians are not habituated) of saving water! Interestingly this group believes that peeing in the shower would save few litres of water which gets wasted each time when we pee and flush,(to which i agree in entirety)...so to combat this loss of water, this group is running campaigns to encourage Brazilians to pee while taking bath and reduce the consumption of water...sounds perfect!!...isn't it??

I am sure the corollary of this campaign does not mean that, each time a person wants to pee, he/she should take a shower!...Ironic that it may sound,I am very certain that a shower would consume more water than a flush in the loo...or is this group expecting people to NOT to pee more than once in a day...of course they would be saving a lot of water this way, just that the whole lot of Brazilians might start suffering with the syndrome of inability to pee!.....or those who would fail in containing this urge might stealthily pee and not flush....Mere thought of it makes me shudder....Obnoxiously insane!!!

This whole idea might save thousands of litres of water, but I am not able to brush aside the thought of stench in the air with no flushing....Those of you, who fancy going to Brazil for an onsite project might want to do some serious re-thinking now...I am sure all of us would want to contribute in saving our beautiful planet, but why toy with ideas of this ilk and come up with such sickening fetid campaigns.There could be and (I am sure with so many intelligent people to research) there are better ideas to go green...

People, please do not quit flushing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to the Indian culture, while I am still trying to cope up with the concept of using tissue papers after emptying my bowels, not flushing will convert me into a infirm screwball for sure....unlike their saying "pee in the shower, save atlantics rain forest", I would prefer to say "Pee in the loo, flush all through.....use less water, save everyone's horror"....

Kiss and Tell....

Alright I will KISS ! 

Nearly all of us do it for pleasure, while the rest few do it on professional demands. 

This isn't about the age old folklore of Ugly frog being kissed by a princess....although it would be quite interesting if kissing a frog could solve a major problem for millions of girls.

Dearth of charming young men around ...?!?!?!?!

Normally, most of us are always in a hurry to finish the work we've been assigned ...but this gentleman from Germany seems to be in rush when most of us would like to follow the principle of slow and steady.....Hundred and Eleven kisses in mere sixty seconds...!!!!!!

This news is sure to turn many of you green with envy...after all who wouldn't want to kiss 111 women and get applauded and honored for it as well (for those of you raising eyebrows out there, this sentence was applicable only for female lovers)....couldn't have asked for more keeping your sanity around!!!

A lot of thinking and planning must have gone behind this...arranging for 111 women on a Friday night and convincing them for a quick peck is undeniably commendable. Maybe those of you who are still single and ready to mingle could take a leaf from this German Lad's kissing tales...

One person to jump in joy over this news would be Emraan Hashmi....our Indian Serial Kisser...Albeit not in 60 seconds, but Mr. Hashmi too might have breached the 111 mark by now...after all, he hasn't earned the title of Serial Kisser for nothing...Well, do not worry Mr. Hashmi. This German man has done it only once...for you there is no stopping…no competition...you can gladly sit on your kissing throne and keep raising the bar for the young generations and inspire the oldies for something better....I hear many chuckles around... ;)

Thanks to the numerous self proclaimed moral policing groups thriving well in our country, while it is virtually impossible for someone to muster courage of this level and create a world record in such acts in India, we surely can enjoy such records created else where....

All said and done, this record must definitely have been a treat for Michael Basting….statistically he kissed 2 women in one second…pheww!! That must have been lightning fast. Now that’s why people say “happiness lies in small things in life”.

With 111 kisses, Michael Basting has perfectly adhered to the principles of KISS...Keep It Short and Simple (What did u think when I said I will KISS ???...naughty naughty !!) … maybe Michael could try creating another record and rejuvenate some more principles for us!

Now stop being impish and learn to KISS…